you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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