yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
