I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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