He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm getting married
To pizza
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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