In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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