she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
