brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
