First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
