Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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