He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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