I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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