What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
