Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
