can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Someone signed my nipple.
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