if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
