either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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