i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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