We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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