i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
