I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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