great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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