At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
