She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
