I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
