Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
