i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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