His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
