Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
