i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What a dumb baby whore.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
