Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
