i would punch a child for taco bell
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
be right there i have to get my cape
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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