We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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