Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
