Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
