So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
