your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
