his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
