haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
