His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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