sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
