Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We got so high we made milksteak
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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