Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
