the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
