You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
