I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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