the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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