She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FUCK WHALES
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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