I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
