We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
