Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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